Once in a while, you might stop and wonder what families and friends are for.
You may be that person who has a lot of friends. If you are, then you'd know that merely a few of them are true. True friends are there for you when you encounter problems. They are there when you are feeling lonely. You can sometimes even treat friends as your brother or sister. Your friends can cheer you up when you are down. They spend time with you. Although you may sometimes argue with each other, a true friend will never betray you.
Your family -- whether they are relatives, your parents, brothers or sisters -- is there for you. Your relationship with one another can never break apart. You sometimes argue about simple things and say hurtful words to one another, but nothing can break you apart. Family stays together, protects one another and love one another. They are there just right beside you. They help you with your problems and teach you what is right.
by: Bianca Diaz
by: Bianca Diaz
Bianca, it would help to include the relevance of this write up about family and friends to you as an individual, as a teenager AND to the readers as well.
ReplyDeleteThere is no build up in the essay because it ended with you simply saying that family and friends are important people.
Make readers 'feel' this because the words in the paragraph are so detached. What then is the implication?
I think it would help to share and open up about a single experience in your life that made this feeling you have toward family and friends very real in your life.
Consider putting an image that sums up your thoughts, a photo quote, a song, or audio that shares something about the topic. .